Navigating Holiday Negativity
December is often a difficult month for those who find themselves in therapy. Strained family relationships, lack of social supports, and seasonal mood changes can all contribute to the challenges of end of year celebrations.
Many clients on my caseload use an avoidance strategy to get through these times: attend the events they know will make them feel terrible, isolate, avoid asking for help, and just wait for the month to be over. While white knuckling it through the holidays may technically pass the time, it does nothing to improve or solve the challenges in the first place.
So what can be done?
Take an inventory of how you typically feel during the month of December. Do you look forward to it or dread it? Is your mood impacted by seasonal changes during this time? Are you at risk for a relapse? What can be done proactively this year that was normally done reactively in years past? Perhaps seeing your therapist more frequently in December or scheduling a psychiatrist appointment if you haven’t had a check-up in a while. Maybe it would be a good idea to attend more support group meetings this month.
Take stock of the traditions that make you feel poorly during this time of year. Are you finally done going to your uncle’s Christmas Eve dinner because you can’t be around his heavy drinking? Do you need to turn down a volunteer event because you know you’ll end up taking on the whole thing? What parts of December drain you or take away from your joy? Work with your therapist or trusted loved ones to make a plan to enact boundaries and say no this month.
Take stock of the traditions that make you feel good during this time of year! What do you love and want to continue doing in the future? Maybe once a December you bake cookies all day with your favorite aunt. Maybe you have a pot luck with your friends. Do you enjoy specific holiday traditions, religious or non-religious? Not all the focus must be on the negative.
Are you feeling lonely this month watching everyone else seemingly happy with the family or loved ones you don’t seem to have? I encourage you first to consider who you do have in your life that loves and cares for you. Don’t be afraid to ask them for their time and presence. Beyond that, this is a great time of year to engage in volunteer or other support groups that would love to have your company. The cure to isolation is ultimately a simple one - seek out the connections you desire.
Start your own traditions! Maybe this month hasn’t been kind to you in the past due to prejudice, discrimination, or rejection. You are free to make this month look however you want it to. My younger brother and I began a tradition in our childhood to spend Christmas Eve marathoning all of our favorite holiday movies, trying to stay up as late as we could to finish them all. You are also free to not associate this month with holidays at all if that brings you the most joy. Maybe you decide to go on a solo trip and disengage completely.
What will be different for you this December?
